Have you ever had one of those weekends where you have such big plans going into it and then once you’re there - nothing. No energy, no motivation, no results. That was my weekend and now I feel disappointed. I had so much I wanted to accomplish and now I feel like I let myself down.

Friday night I had to chaperone a Halloween dance at the elementary school. It was a lot of fun and the kids raised some decent money towards their trip at the end of the year. In our small town these dances are more for school and area families than just the kids so I brought all of my children. They had a blast. It was definitely something I would file under quality time.

Saturday I woke up with a delicious sinus headache that allowed me to actually be able to trace the entire pathway of my sinus cavity - the pain and inflammation were so intense. I spent the entire morning feeling like I was trying to move through some sort of sludge that was holding me back at every turn. I kept taking one med after another in hopes of relieving the pain and finally half way through the afternoon it disappeared. The worst thing about sinus pain is that movement is your greatest enemy. One wrong turn and the stabbing pain through your face and head can be unbearable.

I did manage to transport my son to and from a birthday party and get some groceries but that was the extent of my great accomplishments on Saturday. One of the sucky residual effects of those headaches also is the feeling of exhaustion and being completely spent when its over. Sunday became a day about catching up on all of the mundane weekend things I didn’t do the day before - laundry, picking up, watching the “House” marathon on USA network - you know, important stuff.

But I had larger projects that I wanted to tackle and feel like I missed an opportunity by being sick and it frustrates me. For 3 years now I feel like one ailment or another has ruled my life, even if only in subtle ways. But pain sucks - on any scale - and it robs you of so much of your life. I lost 2 days because of pain that I never suffered before that tick bite 3 years ago. I feel like my whole system is haywire and I will never get everything routed correctly again. Something always hurts or twitches or burns or aches or swims or floats or - you get the picture. I’m just tired of it. I’m tired of feeling like I’m 50 years old when I’m only 36. I’m tired of feeling like I’m breaking down or already broken beyond repair. Most of all I’m just tired. All the time. And I want me back. I miss me. I miss the me I used to be.

/whine