Nov

14

The Many Faces of Marriage

November 14, 2005 |

It’s late and I need to get to bed. I have to work early and get Olivia off to school in the morning but sleep eludes me. The boys are still at camp and won’t be home until Tuesday night and I miss them. Don’t get me wrong - there are definite advantages to having a few days off from dh.

  • The house stays much cleaner
  • I can listen to my classical music all day and no one says “What is this?”
  • I have full autonomy over the remote control - all day every day. That one’s nice.

But in truth - I’d rather have him here. It wasn’t this way until recently. Over the last few years I used to mark the X’s on the calendar until he would go away for whatever season it was at the time. Thank God they go in succession in VT. One can always kill some animal at any given time throughout the year. He was so hard to be around - always bitchy and nagging, having had too many beers and completely antisocial. It was just easier not to have him around at all. I resented him less if he was elsewhere.


And now? Things have completely changed. He’s so much happier, and relaxed and so easy to be around. I was worried too. I thought having him home all the time after he’d left his job was going to be awful. I was sure it would be our undoing. But instead? It’s given me my husband back. He’s sweet and funny and attentive and happy. Things I haven’t’ seen in him in years. I knew that job was making him miserable - but he wouldn’t quit no matter what. He was afraid of change, of leaving his comfort zone, of taking a pay cut. But it’s just what he needed.

I have my husband back and realize how much I have missed him. The man I see now every day is the same man I fell in love with 14 years ago. So sensitive and kind. He’s called me 3-4 times a day each day he’s been gone and tells me how much he misses me - how he wishes he could be home snuggled up with me.

This whole work situation has put us to a big test and I think we’re passing. I knew it was going to be hard not having him working and what that would mean for us financially. I also knew I couldn’t bear to watch him suffer another day in that place. When he woke me in the middle of the night and cried on my shoulder that he couldn’t bear to go back there, supporting him in his decision was the easiest thing in the world. It has torn at my heart to see how he’s been hurt over the last 8 weeks by so many people he thought were his friends.

But he knows now, if he didn’t already, that I am his friend. And I always will be.


Comments

5 Comments so far

  1. Theresa on November 14, 2005 1:36 pm

    That’s wonderful, when you can reconnect. I am so happy for both of you! :)

  2. Aimz on November 14, 2005 2:16 pm

    It’s so awesome to be back to yourselves again, especially when hubby is more relaxed.

  3. mrs. diamond on November 14, 2005 4:25 pm

    That’s awesome!

  4. MommaK on November 14, 2005 8:11 pm

    Wow- what a touching post. How brave he was (and you too) to realize what was most important in life- your happy family. So glad you are smiling again:)

  5. Liz on November 15, 2005 10:05 am

    Holy crow, Jules…this post made me cry (in a good way) and hope that my dh finds himself soon, too! Your post made me think that perhaps he can — thanks for sharing!

Name (required)

Email (required)

Website

Speak your mind

← Ketchup Anyone? An Apple A Day →