Apr

26

Balance of Power

April 26, 2006 |

Over the last 6 months and again this week with J’s re-entry into the work force, we have had some changes in schedule and balance in the house. I mentioned earlier in the week about how hard it has been to have him around 24/7, not only because he gets on my nerves but also because I have had to relinquish a lot of control and power in the house.

Imagine for years being the only one home running the household and dealing with 99% of issues related to the children. You get used to a certain flow and rhythm. Then all of the sudden the person that you have been silently feeling resentful towards for their extended absence becomes a constant fixture in your daily life. You can’t do anything start to finish without being interrupted. You receive more “constructive criticism” about the way you do things than you ever asked for (hell I asked for zero) and you start feeling nagged - in a big way. You try to be understanding that your spouse is feeling displaced but you need the same understanding from them. And they don’t get it.

Now that J has gone back to work I admit to feeling a bit - oh I don’t know, giddy. I’ve gotten some of my freedom back (woohoo!!) and the flow is back. No longer do the days go in choppy bits and pieces and things that I get done (i.e. housework, childrearing, etc) stay done and there is no more animosity about it. The one change from before? J is home in the middle of the afternoon instead of after we have had supper. He is a more active part of our day. And that’s good. Don’t get me wrong. It’s definitely an advantage to the kids to see their Dad so much more than they were before. I am thrilled with that change. But I’m not sure how to handle the change in family dynamic at the adult level.

I know I sound like a total control freak (and I am, there’s no doubt) but there’s been so much change since September that it’s hard to find the new balance. Have you ever had a shake up in schedules and routines that you had a tough time adjusting to? How do you handle the balance of power at your house? Is everything up to you? Are you on your own most of the time? I’m curious to see how you guys do things.


Comments

3 Comments so far

  1. Theresa on April 26, 2006 8:22 am

    I guess I am the ‘boss’. ;) But then again, I am the one home with the kids. When the twins were born, I had zero outside help, and any schedule I had before that unraveled. I had to learn to be much more organized, and Mike had to learn to parent more, rather than simply back me up. I love the man, but I think married couples need their space too.

  2. mrs. diamond on April 26, 2006 9:36 am

    I’m honestly not sure if we’ve worked that one out. My husband is on the afternoon/night shift right now. He’s home all day and leaves at 3pm to go to work. He is totally in my space during the day. In the bed that I want made. In the kitchen that I just finished washing all the dishes. In the shower that I just cleaned…. But at the same time, he’s able to help with the kids if I need to run out for 20 minutes…( I finally asked for permission from the parents to do that as I was going NUTS being trapped through the week) or I can get him to run errands for me (what I usually do) And I have the whole evening free. If I don’t feel like cooking, I can throw a sandwich and soup on the table and the kids don’t mind, whereas if he’s home, he wants a big meal…… But it also gets lonely and I feel like a single parent all week because he doesn’t see the kids until the weekends, due to his work schedule. But he works 10 hour nights and gets fridays off….so that’s a bonus too.

    I try to focus on the pros rather than the cons. Everything is easier to deal with that way.

  3. PHAT Mommy on April 29, 2006 6:01 am

    My dh works at home, so I have these “issues” all the time. People tell me how lucky I am to have him home, and it is wonderful in many ways. But it’s also very disruptive. He doesn’t want to be interrupted when he’s working, but if he needs something, it’s no problem interrupting my day. It’s not easy to adjust to. Glad to hear J is back to work!

Name (required)

Email (required)

Website

Speak your mind

← Day One Down My What Beautiful Eyes You Have →