Be Careful…
what you wish for. Remember how I said I’d rather have a cold that the puking virus any day? I have a cold. And I’ve lost my voice. Do you know how hard it is to yell at your kids when you have no voice? It’s not easy hollering at them in sign language but I’m managing. LOL
Not much else is going on in our world lately. My husband is continuing to sell on eBay and is doing pretty well with all the useless crap he’s come across. He’s very discouraged with the job prospects in our area as they all require a level of use of his hand that he doesn’t think he’s capable of anymore. He’d like to keep selling on eBay but only if I’m home too. Which is discouraging.
You see I’ve never had any intention of running a daycare for the rest of my life. It was the best way for me to stay home with my children when they were little and still earn an income. It was also my intention to return to the work force when my youngest entered kindergarten. That is 2 and a half years off but I’m starting to have panicky feelings about my age and it’s dwindling marketability.
The other piece of this puzzle is that once I re-enter the work force I have no desire to just have a “job”. I want a career. I have 30 years of work left before I reach minimum retirement age. I do not want to spend those years in unsatisfying, dead-end jobs. I’ve had those before and it drives me nuts. I want to work in my chosen profession and advance and grow and never stop leaning and progressing.
I was once a driven, ambitious, intelligent woman and now I feel like a lifeless blob. I’ve lost my passion and some days feel like I’m going to lose my mind. Which brings us back to my proposed solution. First it looks like my husband will be going on partial permanent disability because of the damage to his hand. It would be easy for him to supplement that through Internet sales. He would be doing this from home and therefore able to be here with our children.
And I could work outside the home. And feel more fulfilled than I have in years. But my husband sticks his fingers in his ears and says “La La La La La” and “This conversation makes me uncomfortable”. And that’s as far as we can get. I’m afraid that if I wait too long to go back to school and get back in the work force, I won’t have options left. The thought of being stuck in an entry level position forever - makes me feel like the stomach flu’s coming back.
The most frustrating part is that he says all the time that he doesn’t want to “go out” and get a job anymore. He just wants to stay home. I’ve been home for the last 6 years and I’m ready to get back out in society. With adults. I think the most telltale sign as to how he’s really feeling came today when he looked at me and said, with a smile on his face “You’re not going to make me your bitch so stop trying.” He was kidding around. Sort of. It was said in a light manner but I think that’s what his problem is - being perceived as lazy and a loser because he’s staying home with the kids instead of being a manly man out working and providing for his family. Ridiculous how society fucks with our ideas of right and wrong.
He would still be earing an income anyway and the kids would be in school in a couple years. It would seem to satisfy everyones needs and wants. So how do I convince him?























Let him talk to my husband, who’s dreaming of that day. Stay home with the kids, work some, let me slave away 50 hours a week, brain full of answers for the rest of the world as he does his own little thing.
AutumnJanuary 30th, 2006 at 10:29 pm
Touchy subject. I wish I had a magic answer. But the thing that you have to do is to find an answer that is satisfactory to both of you. And I guess that’s going to take more conversation than la la la la with fingers in ears.
Best of luck.
cassie-bCarol
January 31st, 2006 at 6:19 am
I have nothing to offer. Just keep talking about it.
TheresaJanuary 31st, 2006 at 10:51 am
I also wish I had a solution, could you suggest that if you had a career when the kids are at school etc then it would bring more money in and take alot of the pressure off him? Don’t give up tho, if you’re not happy with what you are doing then think seriously about what sort of stuff you like to do the most and try and find a job or a course that would get you on the way to doing it.
AimzJanuary 31st, 2006 at 7:28 pm
Tell him he can’t have his cake and eat it too, that it isn’t “profitable” to have both of you at home, earning just an average income, that if he chooses to just work part time, you’re going to go back to school, and get working on your career. It only makes sense. Besides, you’ll go batshit if both of you are home together all the time, plus living under the strain of financial struggles.
BevFebruary 1st, 2006 at 9:30 am
I don’t know how to say it lightly, but your husband isn’t out for the good of your marriage. He is only out for himself. He is being rude and mean to you. You have been there for him, and he owes it to you to at least listen to your needs — and consider trying to find options to make your dreams come true. The fact that he blows you off like that is outrageous, childish and immature!
You deserve so much more!!!!
Eyes for LiesFebruary 1st, 2006 at 11:08 am
Man, it’s the hardest decision to leave the kids and go to work. I didn’t work while my kids were young but once they were old enough, it was enevitable. Good luck to you, hon…
DorothyFebruary 2nd, 2006 at 11:09 pm
It’s crazy for both of you to be at home. You will get on each other’s nerves SO FAST if you continue this way.
Being in childcare, I know how you feel about that. That’s the whole reason I do it, so I can stay home with my kids. Now that my little one will be starting kindergarten soon, I’m going to have to decide what to do… although, I don’t want to go back to a “real job”, I want to do something on my own - that’s not childcare. LOL
AndreaFebruary 8th, 2006 at 11:36 am