Considering
My beautiful 2 year old woke me up at 6am this morning. I am not amused. She has since been whining and crying and driving me insane. I can’t put her back in bed because she screams and shares a room with her sister and the last thing I need right now is for both of them to be awake. Too late. They’re all up. If 3 girls drive me this nuts now, what’s going to happen in 10 years. *shudder*
My husband and I had our conversation about my going back to work. Just a side note that the fingers in his ears thing wasn’t serious or him being disrespectful. We play around with each other that way. I do things like that to him too. It was his way of saying it was a tough subject for him and that he wanted to talk about it at a more appropriate time. Understand that a post also only gives my side of things - my perspective at that particular moment, not a true depiction of how anyone is on a daily basis.
Anyway when we had a long heart to heart one night about it he said that if the world were ideal he would not get a job outside the house, that he’s never been happier than he’s been the last 4 months staying at home. He also said that if I wanted to get a job, go back to school etc that he would support my decision. He has conflicting feelings about his traditional role as family provider and his desire to stay home. He fears that other people in his life will see him as lazy and he doesn’t want that. He continues to pursue internet sales and for the most part really enjoys it.
As for me, I’ve taken a little more time to really give some thought to what would be best for everyone, not just me. The last post seemed like a big whine fest when I re-read it and it makes me feel very immature to have written it. I realize that besides just what I want, that if I support my husband in his pursuits as well, went back to work outside the home, my girls would be right back where they were when I had the scheduling job. They were unsupervised for the most part and running wild throughout the house and sometimes even the neighborhood. I absolutely do NOT want that for them ever again. It was a huge mistake.
So I’ve decided to continue with daycare until my youngest enters school. I have also decided to enroll in courses at a college that offers a Friday night and all day Saturday courses so that by the time Lauren starts school I will have finished my classes and be ready to start the associated internship. It’s what makes the most sense for the entire family, not just me. Sometimes I forget, and I get selfish and think only about what I want. I have my little martyr fests “Poor me, I never get what I want” and all too often make rash decisions that I regret later. Closing daycare and pursuing the scheduling job is the perfect example.























Sounds like a good plan.
mrs. diamondFebruary 11th, 2006 at 9:46 am
Hi Julie!
I dread having to make these sort of decisions down the road. I know exactly what you mean though about feeling so different staying home and not using your brain everyday. But I feel like you too, that I am not going to take any old job, I want something that I really enjoy and would be good at and could grow with. Good Luck!
CandiIt sounds like you have yourself on the right track
February 11th, 2006 at 10:19 am
Having stayed home for 6.5 years now, I have dealt with all those issues your husband is contemplating. He is welcome to email or IM me to hear another perspective from someone who has faced (and still faces) those attitudes and so forth and so on.
As for you, it seems like you two are communicating very well and that you are finding a good way to express what are sometimes very difficult things to get out, since many of the feelings are tied to one another and don’t logically lead from point a to point b.
PhilipFebruary 11th, 2006 at 12:31 pm
I’ve been meaning to comment on this, and keep thinking about it. So finally I’ll put something here.
First, GOOD FOR YOU.
Just because you’re a mom, and just because he’s man doesn’t mean you shouldn’t live your lives as is best for you both. Matt and I plan that once I’m done with school and working - because that’s what I want - he’s going to stay home and have a couple kids, or do something. That’s a lot of long term planning, mind you, but it’s the goal.
I’m glad you’re both talking about it, and I wouldn’t worry about a whiney post now and then. We all get to have them. I think that when I read it, I got the idea that it was still a hard topic to discuss. You both have to let go of certain ideas that we’re raised with.
When we first dropped a hint to our parents that we were planning to get mt through school, so I could let him raise kids (something He wants to do, and something I Don’t) I thought they were going to have a heart attack. Do what’s right for you and your family. There are people to support you.
AutumnFebruary 15th, 2006 at 9:10 am