A week ago I announced that I’d secured a new job in a field I’d always dreamed of working in. And then I went silent. I don’t really know why. I think I freaked out a little at what I had done and what was happening. So much change. The most we’ve ever been through as a family. Definitely the most the children have ever been through.

Fear has set in and I’m not sure about giving a voice to that fear lest it increase. Fear about the kids adjusting. Fear that I will be able to keep up with the job and home responsibilities. Fear of the kids being home without me. Fear that I will somehow turn out to be less than they hoped for at the new job. It all boils down to fear of the unknown.

I start the new job on July 5th - a week from tomorrow. And I’m likely to go insane before that day arrives. I’m at the point now where I just want to start. I called last Tuesday and formally accepted the position and the attorney I’ll be working for greeted my call with a great deal of enthusiasm. Two days later I received a letter in the mail summarizing my salary and benefits - which turned out to be even better than I imagined - along with some of the things he’d like me to start working on when I go in next Wednesday. So now I just want to get to it. No more waiting or worrying, let’s just go.

The change for daycare has gone well. The parents have been very receptive. So far all are keeping their kids here with my friend. There is only 1 eight year old boy here every day, then a six year old girl comes twice a week and a three year old girl comes once a week. So I’m glad that has been smooth. I think she’ll do fine - she used to be a teacher and she’s been babysitting for much of her life. It’s what she enjoys. Tax time will be a nightmare for me with an employee and all but I’ll worry about that next spring. Oh and one of the daycare parents works in the same city I’ll be working in during the same hours so we are going to carpool to save on gas and mileage. It’s 26 miles each way to work - one of the drawbacks in our current economy of living in the boonies.

My best friend is going shopping with me on Saturday since I have NO clothes for this job whatsoever. I also need to get a haircut and get my eyebrows done as it has been WAY too long since I’ve had either. I really want to polish up my image - it’s been dumpy for so long staying at home. It’s easy to dress super casual when the excuse is children and diapers and puke etc. as your daily existence. But I don’t want that to be me anymore. I want to grab this opportunity for change and dress more professional and confident. Suits, heels, makeup, etc. Should be a fun shopping trip.

So I’m trying not to let the self-doubt monster consume me. I’m sure once I get in there and get going things will fall into place. Jeff keeps talking about how we’re going to have to really start working as a team - and he’s right. I just hope he keeps up his end of it without being miserable. Only time will tell. One thing I haven’t felt at all though - regret. I haven’t had any feelings of “buyer’s remorse” wishing I could turn back the clock and change what I did. I think that’s a good sign.