Jun

10

Bullying

June 10, 2004 |

:sun3-ani: Yesterday on Oprah they re-ran the show on Bullying. I had never seen the original but watched a few minutes of this episode. It was enough to make me cringe and fear for my children as they grow up and enter school. It’s bad enough when they’re little but it seems to get worse and worse the older they become.

I worry most about my son, so much so sometimes that it makes me literally sick with fear. You see Nicholas is a deadly combination of both sensitive and male. I know this makes him a prime target. I am not one bit sorry that he is a compassionate, feeling child as I have worked hard to raise him that way. What I am sorry for is how much harder that will make his life.

Last year, in 2nd grade, there was a problem with Nicholas having bruises on the back of his upper arms. They were the size of thumbprints and my husband and I were convinced that someone was pinching him. Nicholas denied it – said no one was bothering him but we believed that he was afraid of what would happen if he said anything.

I went to his school and spoke with his teacher and his principal. They both stated that they had no knowledge of anything like that going on. It is a very small school and all of the adults know all of the children. 12 children per grade, grades K-6. I asked them to keep an eye out and let me know if they saw anything and to please deal with it appropriately. They assured me they would and that was the end of it. I called for reports and they each said they had seen nothing happen. The bruises disappeared and did not return. And Nicholas still insists that no one was doing anything to him. The bruises remain a mystery to this day.

I was lucky that I felt confident that our school administrators would do something if in fact Nicholas was being hurt. Sadly most people seem to lack this confidence in their own school officials. I don’t know what I’ll do if the area HS isn’t as protective of all the children as the elementary school. When I hear the hazing stories especially, I can’t help but think of what I would do if something like that happened to my son. It makes it hard to allow him to participate in an after school activity, one that I won’t be present at to supervise. One where there is a single adult present or not present even, in charge of a bunch of boys. But I know I can’t keep Nicholas from participating in life out of fear.

So I do what I can to help him learn how to cope with people picking on him. I teach him about why, I think, children do those things. I teach him to try and let as much as he can roll off his shoulders and that I am hear to listen to the things that he can’t. He has learned to laugh along with others when he makes a mistake and not to take it personally. He seems to be well liked by his peers as well as his teachers. I just wish I could learn how to reign in the horrific images in my head of what might happen to him. I guess it’s just a part of letting him grow up. I wish I could keep him safe with me forever.


Comments

4 Comments so far

  1. Lori on June 10, 2004 4:39 pm

    Oh Julie, I too fear for my son Joshua. He is also very compassionate, and I like you, worked very hard for him to be that way. Bullying just upsets me so much. I just pray that he will deal with everything ok.
    Have a good day sweetie!! ((BIG HUGS))!!

  2. Michele on June 10, 2004 5:04 pm

    For me, letting them go out into the world where I can’t protect them from bullies and all the other assorted dangers has been BY FAR the hardest part of motherhood.

  3. weebie on June 11, 2004 6:08 pm

    Oh this is such a scary part of parenting. I worry about this everyday with my girls…and now Ben is starting school in the fall and I know my worries will likely triple. Sounds like you’re teaching him the right ways to deal with it. Keep him talking… I’m very thankful my girls always tell me if something is going on.
    (what an appropriate discussion considering your blog title..heehe)

  4. Candi on June 14, 2004 12:08 pm

    This is a tough subject I know. They have done a lot of educating the kids at Andrew’s school on bullying. I don’t think Andrew would ever put up with it without telling anyone, but just the thought alone of something happening is sickening to me.

    I would just keep talking to him about it and hopefully he won’t let anyone take advantage of him or fear what will happen if he tells you about it! Don’t you wish we could all watch them like a fly on a wall to see what really goes on at school?

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