Silent Agreement
*Whew* Where have I been? Busy and laying low, thinking a bit. The other night someone very close to me engaged in an activity that they had been a part of quite a bit in the past but had all but stopped a few months ago. The behavior was destructive and one I could not live with. I am a people pleaser by nature and I have a REALLY hard time with confrontation as I saw so much of it growing up. I find that I avoid it as much as I can now.
I saw the person the next day and I was quiet with them. I was on the verge of tears every time I thought about it. This was a person I wanted in my life - but not that way - not ever that way again. When they had done these things in the past they were so difficult to be around, completely disengaged from everyone and almost impossible to have a relationship with. It was one of the loneliest times in my life.
I finally sucked it up and told them what was bothering me, mostly because they started guessing and they were wrong and I didn’t want them to get upset over the wrong thing. They thought I was overreacting - it was only one time after all and they hadn’t in a few months and it wasn’t like they needed to or were seeking it out - it found them blah, blah, blah. I was very emotional and told them how much I really hated that time in the past when they were engaging in this behavior regularly. I think my exact words through my tears were “It was awful, you have no idea and I can’t ever go through that with you again.”
This person has a tendency to get defensive in these types of situations but this time they didn’t. They just hugged me and said “I’m sorry - I didn’t know”. They never actually said they wouldn’t do that same thing again but they have had opportunity when we’ve been together since, and they haven’t done it. So I’m hopeful that having that conversation was a turning point.
Me, Me, Me | Jules December 5, 2005
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cassie-b, December 5, 2005 @ 4:52 pm
It’s good that you said something. Maybe this will straighten the problem out.
Cas
have a nice evening!
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mrs.diamond, December 5, 2005 @ 6:20 pm
confrontation is very hard, but it is good to get things out in the air.
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Aimz, December 5, 2005 @ 7:39 pm
I’m glad you didn’t keep quiet about your feelings, that would’ve done more damage. It’s good to speak up and say how you feel. It sounds like the person in question wasn’t aware of your feelings beforehand.
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Eyes for Lies, December 6, 2005 @ 12:30 pm
Hugs to you for speaking up and caring.
It is those who speak up and deal with the situation who care the most. When I am in that situation, I tell people up front — I CARE WAY TOO MUCH ABOUT YOU to NOT say something. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t say it!
I hope you don’t have to face this situation again. However, since this person didn’t make any promises — don’t hang up your hat. It’s way to premature.
Feel good however that you did the right thing
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Theresa, December 6, 2005 @ 1:07 pm
I am hoping that is all this person needed to hear.