My son is in the 7th grade. The transition from grade school to high school has been a challenging one for him. The change in schedules, the additional freedom and with those, the added responsibility. His grades were excellent first quarter but they have steadily dropped ever since.

His father tried to strike a deal, pull up your grades to a certain GPA and I will buy you -insert gratuitous bribe here-. I do not believe in this method but I also don’t believe in challenging my husband in front of my children. So I advised him in private that we would never employ that tactic again, understood? I believe good grades are simply to be expected just as good job performance is regularly expected once one is in the “real world”. A boss does not typically tell you that they will give you a prize if you stop slacking, instead they remind you that will be the only way to keep your job.

So when the latest progress report came out there were two D’s. We haven’t seen anything in the 60’s ever before so to say I was disappointed would have been an understatement. I was pissed. These grades were products of pure laziness on the part of my son and I would tolerate them no more. It was at this moment that all video games, TV watching that wasn’t with the family and computer games were banned until the next report card. In 6 weeks. My son was stunned. Tears ran down his face.

But I have stuck to it. His grades are coming up as a result. He voluntarily gives me regular reports on his progress on different papers and projects he has in school so I consider this a success. The true test will of course be when the last report card comes out. I don’t expect him to suddenly have perfect scores in every subject but I did make it clear that I am never to see anything in the 60’s or lower again.

My son’s friends think I’m being pretty harsh – their parents don’t do the same sorts of things. But I have a newsflash for all of the parents that waste their time trying to be their kids’ friends by not holding them accountable – my son does not hate me for this punishment. He might have strongly disliked me for the first few days but now things are fine. And I have something that a lot of parents don’t have – my son’s respect.

Case in point – he’s going over to a friend’s house after school today. Last night he came to me and asked me if his ban on video games could be lifted for one day, for just the time that he was going to be at his friend’s house. I don’t believe in asking other people to enforce my punishment on my child at their house anyway, but I have to say I was impressed as hell that he asked me about it.

Maybe I really am doing a good job raising my kids.

Thank you all for your well wishes and your prayers. My stepdaughter’s mom passed away Wednesday night. It was a long, hard battle and her body just gave out. My stepdaughter is a wreck, understandably, but we are trying to do what we can to help her through this. She is pregnant with her second child so it’s important that she continue to take care of herself.

The funeral is this afternoon and my husband and I will be attending. I wasn’t sure if I should go - I felt funny. My stepdaughter always wanted her parents back together and believed that I was the thing standing in their way. There is a lot more to it than she knows, or needs to know for that fact, but nonetheless I have felt like an outsider. I feel it’s appropriate of me to be there to show my respect but I don’t want to upset anyone that is already feeling a tremendous amount of pain. My husband seems to think she would appreciate my going - I’m just torn. I want to be there for her but I don’t want to make her feel like “What the hell is she doing here?”

Funerals and dying have always unnerved me. I have never done well faced with so many people in such outward emotional pain. I remember when I was in high school, we had 3 suicides in one year and I will never forget the parent’s faces from any of those 3 funerals. I have only lost grandparents, none of them was I old enough to be a part of the process, so I didn’t really understand what was going on. I can’t imagine what my stepdaughter is going through, I only know that losing my own parents has been a real fear of mine over the last couple of years as they are advancing in age.

I know we will get through this as a family. We are strong. I just wish I could take away her pain.

My stepdaughter’s mother is dying. They don’t expect her to live out the night. She has been battling leukemia since before Christmas, had a catheter to her heart that became infected. It developed into a resistant staph infection and it has attacked her kidneys. Her body is tired and it is shutting down. I feel so badly for my stepdaughter - she’s just started rebuilding a relationship with her mom in the last few years and now she’s losing her. My hope for my stepdaughter is that she’s able to find peace in all this. I only wish her mother had lived long enough to see her first granddaughter born in July.

When you are a Mom you deal with a never-ending array of tasks and problems. When you work outside the home they can further complicate your life. When your job is salaried and your husband’s is hourly that only makes it more difficult. For you. The Mom.

Case in point - my daughter came to me last night complaining that she had a bump on her gums that hurt. It’s high up and looks like a big sore. I suspect it’s an abscess. Being Sunday evening I gave her some Children’s Advil, sent her to bed and decided to stay home and call the dentist office first thing in the morning. My husband can’t take the time because he won’t be paid for any time missed. I however can take the time and I will be paid. But at what cost?

First and foremost - I will always put my children’s needs above all else when it comes to health issues, school performances and events, and various other things that are important in a child’s life. I am, however, one of two of the Administrators at my job that has young children. Unlike the other mother, I do not have my mother available as my full time, free babysitter that will take my children no matter their health and drive them to all of their appointments, classes, after school activities, etc. So in that grain I am unique.

So today the dentist can’t see my daughter until 11:30am. She is not terribly uncomfortable and chose to go to school until it’s time to go to her appointment. The dentist is 10 minutes from my house, my job is 40 minutes from my house. In the opposite direction. So I had to call and talk to my boss (the Principal!) and tell him the situation. I advised him that I would be working from home this morning and would be in this afternoon after I attend an appointment with my husband at a specialist’s office. So because of family issues I have missed 3/4 of the day in the office.

And what I wonder is - how does this affect me in the eyes of my colleagues and superior? Do the ones that are female with children of their own understand or do they wonder why I can’t manage when they are able to juggle both? Do the men with children understand better than the ones that don’t have children? And my boss is one of those that does not have children of his own. I want my children to always be able to count on me but I want to progress at work too. I know it’s not fair for parents to expect separate considerations from their counterparts that do not have children. But I don’t know how else to be. And I don’t know how else my children would want me to be.

If I could have my choice - were my fairy godmother to swoop down and grant me one wish - I would choose to be employed full time as my children’s mother and my husband’s wife and full time manager of our household. Unfortunately that is a pro bono position. And the current economy makes that choice scary and seemingly unmanageable.

So in the meantime how do I remain successful at my current job while taking good care of my family? How do you do it?

The wind is howling outside. The snow is coming down in sheets. The sky is a dark gray. And it’s cold. We are getting some very nasty weather in the Northeast today. A classic Nor’easter. We typically get these storms after the first of the year so this is very unusual for us. It has also been much colder than normal for the last two weeks with temperatures barely out of the teens. This will be the first white Christmas we’ve had in four or five years. So much for a milder winter this year.

The hubs and I got most of our Christmas shopping done last night. There are a few things I still have to pick up - candy for their stockings, clothes for each of them (funny how the hubs didn’t want to shop for clothes) and a few books and sketch pads and journals for each of them. It’s going to be a musical Christmas this year. My son asked for a drum set and we indulged him. My daughter wanted an acoustic guitar and we indulged her too. Then we decided in a fit of madness to get our two youngest their own set that included a tambourine, triangle and wooden jingle sticks. I should have picked some of this up for hubs and I - lol.

So today the kids are still with their big sister. Hubs and I are going to wrap all the presents and then we’ve got a Christmas party to go to tonight. We have one small challenge to figure out. The alternator went in my van yesterday and we can’t seat all six of us in his truck. So we may just end up bringing the two littlest girls home after the party and leaving the older two with their sister. We’ll figure it out somehow.

Also, today is my BFF’s birthday so a big shout out to her! You’re as old as me now you old bag! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!