Mar

13

Change

March 13, 2006 |

It’s funny how much my life has changed since my husband has been home. My children are happier and closer to their father and most days I feel like I have a partner by my side helping me. Of course there are days when he drives me crazy but we seem to get through those pretty well.

The one big change that I’ve had trouble with is the increased demands on my time and attention. He is there throughout the day asking me questions and favors and giving his input on many of my business issues. Unsolicited input I might add. But he is also expecting to spend more quality time with me too and I have a tough time with it.

I know I should be grateful to have him here helping me and how flattered should I be that my husband wants to spend more time with me but it’s suffocating me. I am a loner by nature, I don’t like to be around people a lot, and I abhor constant jabbering as I feel there is always more to learn by listening rather than by speaking. One of the reasons why our relationship has worked well is because of the outside interests he has always possessed that in turn gave me the freedom to explore my own interests.

Now that he’s home, and unhappy about the situation that put him here, he doesn’t go much of anywhere anymore and I cannot find a minute of peace and quiet just for me. I do ask for it and I do take it but it usually comes with a hefty cup of guilt as that is when he expresses to me that he wanted to spend time with me, just me, and really I just wanted a break from the world for 5 minutes.

I know the grass is always greener; there were times when he was gone quite a bit that I felt particularly lonely. Wishing I had some adult to converse with and that is when I sought out my blog to connect with people. It helped. Now, I miss my blog and the people that I visited but I feel like there are no longer enough hours in the day to accommodate everyone’s needs including me own.

So how do you find balance? How do you carve out time for yourself in the day? How do you pursue your own interests and manage any guilt that might go along with it?


Comments

8 Comments so far

  1. Theresa on March 13, 2006 8:41 am

    That’s a tough one. I think we moms get into this habit of doing things, and when it’s disrupted, it isn’t always easy to just accept and go on. I love my husband, but there are times on the weekends (when he doesn’t work) that I cannot wait for Monday.

    It’s so much more for you, because your husband is there now every day, and that has to be a huge adjustment to make! We all need down time, alone time, where we don’t have to be ‘mom’ or ‘wife’. Have you explained this to him? Maybe tell him you’d like X amount of time every day to just unwind? He knows you blog, right? So tell him that’s your hobby, and you miss it. Be sure to point out that you like having him around, but you also miss a little alone time too.

    Every couple needs to spend time away from each other, if you ask me.

    Good luck Jules! I sure miss you, but I understand that it’s hard to blog right now.

  2. Bev on March 13, 2006 8:44 am

    I know how you feel! I’m a loner more times than not too. My hubby had been working from home more times than not for December and January, and that even nearly drove me bonkers! I don’t like working “around” someone else! I can’t imagine us both being home full time!!! I’ve told him……….he can NEVER retire!

  3. mrs. diamond on March 13, 2006 1:41 pm

    Perhaps suggesting to him to go out with his friends, or set up a guys night out for him…. Or set up a regular night out for yourself. Or.. (and I do this all the time) Send him on an errand! ;)

    I know how you feel. My husband is home all day right now and it drives me batty with his schedule that conflicts with mine… I feel like I’m always in the kitchen. But he goes to work in the evening so I just have my ‘me’ time after the kids go to bed. We really don’t have much ‘couple’ time though til the weekends.

  4. cassie-b on March 14, 2006 10:33 am

    I wish I could help. Sometimes there are just not enough hours in the day.

    Hang in there.
    Cas

  5. Snapper on March 14, 2006 8:31 pm

    I give the family a heads up…as in: “Four days from now people! I shall be spending the afternnon scrapping. Consider yourselves forewarned, and plan accordingly.”

    I hope you can find some alone/down time soon!

  6. Aimz on March 15, 2006 4:17 pm

    yep I can understand what you mean, when I count my children I tend to count my husband too because as much as I love and appreciate him it’s almost like having an extra child at home isn’t it?

  7. sallyrogers on March 16, 2006 4:35 pm

    It is so hard to find those moments to oneself. I work at the moment (dreaming of being at home again - not romantically, guiltilly). Wish I could offer something more constructive than “good luck with that” but that’s all I’ve got. Maybe knowing that you’re not alone in your frustration will help a tiny bit.

  8. Jamie on March 19, 2006 3:19 pm

    I struggle with this same thing. I have two girls and the youngest turned one. I feel sad on the one hand, because we have decided she is our last child, but I’m also trying to make more of an effort to make “me time” this year. Sometimes I resent my children because I don’t get enough time with my husband, sometimes I resent my job, because I don’t get enough time with my children, sometimes I resent my husband because I don’t get enough time for me, and sometimes I resent myself (OK a lot) because I am resentful! It’s tough to balance it all but I just try to live in the moment.

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