Apr

30

Changes - Not For The Better

April 30, 2005 |

I was really upset earlier tonight but I tried hard not to take it out on anybody. I wasn’t very successful, my kids got snapped at and my husband got the “quiet wife” conversation when he called from camp tonight. I always feel awful for being short of patience with the kids - but it happens.

I have been working my butt off at the new job and this past month I just had too much work. Think of the chain business that expands too quickly - they implode. That’s what happened to my work product. And tonight I had my highest paying per shop account pulled. There is restructuring going on in the company and I understand that it had to be shifted as it is with their biggest client.

What bugs me though is I asked for help. When I knew I was in over my head I asked for help. I was told to keep plugging away at it and that maybe a crappier account I had might be given to someone else to help ease my overwhelming workload. That never happened. I went to them a second time and got the same response. When I asked for help from the powers that be with specifics, no one answered me until it was too late anyway.

The other place I asked for help was from my husband. I was feeling so overwhelmed with all the responsibility and I asked him to help me. But he didn’t. He just kept pointing out that I took on too much, I was overworking myself, I needed to be sure and take one day off a week blah,blah, blah. But he never helped. And now I’ve lost standing with my new boss in more ways than one. It sucks.

I can’t tell you how much it hurts that no one wants to help me out. I am a nurturing helpful person and when that isn’t returned I can’t help but internalize it and wonder what’s wrong with me that I’m not worth helping. Why doesn’t Jeff love me enough to see how crazy busy I am and want to help? Why does he only care about how it affects him?

I don’t know. He’s gone hunting for a few days and I’m glad I guess. He really let me down and it cost me a lot. I get tired of just waiting around for people to let me down.


Comments

7 Comments so far

  1. Autumn on May 1, 2005 4:35 am

    Hi Jules :)
    My puter is hooked up and we are all moved! Stopped by to see how you are and it seems you need a giant bear hug! Hang in there girl!
    Huggers :)

  2. mrs.diamond on May 1, 2005 10:18 am

    Awwww hun. I wish I knew what to say.
    (((((HUGS))))

  3. Michele on May 3, 2005 10:51 am

    Aw Julie. I don’t know what to say either. Except that I think this is so common for moms every where. I wish I could help…

  4. Joan on May 3, 2005 6:53 pm

    Hi Julie, Wish I could help..I want all good things for you. Hang in there…Hugs!

  5. mrs.diamond on May 3, 2005 8:32 pm

    Thinking of you…(((HUGGERZ)))

  6. Philip on May 6, 2005 10:07 am

    I’m so sorry. I know exactly how that feels, how lonely and hopeless that can make you feel. Don’t internalize, keep talking, keep asking. Don’t let the resentment build up.

    I’m thinking of you.

  7. Hula Doula on May 7, 2005 4:21 pm

    I lost my passion and rediscovered it at age 35. You will find it again I promise. When you do, you will light the world on FIRE!
    Take good care.

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