Mar

20

Discoveries

March 20, 2006 |

This weekend was filled with discoveries. Now I’m one that loves to learn new things but I’m not sure these are lessons I really wanted.

My husband went away for a few days to help his brother with a remodeling project. Was I happy to have a few days away from my beloved? You bet! What did I learn? That he does a lot more here than I understood. I am definitely guilty of bitching that my husband never does anything. According to me he just sits in that computer chair and stares at the screen all day long. While to an extent that’s still true, I didn’t realize that the occasional intervention with the kids arguments or helping one get a drink or get dressed or get a snack from the cabinets really added up to a lot that I didn’t have to deal with - until I was alone with them for 5 days. I had come to rely heavily upon my husband for these little things and when he was gone - I felt like I was running around like a madwoman, non-stop.

I had all these grandiose plans of how I was going to enjoy my few days of reprieve from the husband only to discover I couldn’t wait for him to get back and help me. It’s not like I haven’t done this before, I used to do it all the time. But now? It’s like I have forgotten how. LOL

The other thing that I learned and it too was a lesson I wish I could have avoided, was that in the process of having someone to help me I have lost a fair amount of control with my children. I learned this when I took them out to dinner on Friday. Not a fun time to discover it. I swear I told the 2 youngest to sit down a hundred times. Or to get out from underneath the table. I tried to engage them with art and spelling and the kinds of things we used to do in restaurants that kept them from being public nuisances. This time I felt so frustrated but I kept trying to access that calm place to keep everyone from racing around the restaurant screaming like they were insane.

We did okay until it was time to leave and then my youngest completely melted down, at the top of her lungs, prostrate on the floor for the world to see. I was so embarrassed and so were my older children. I’m trying to get her coat on her because it’s all of 10 degrees outside and she’s screaming “No Mommy I don’t want to put my coat on!!!” When the others had there coats on far enough to be protected, I gave up, wrapped the coat around her and out the door we went. Good thing we live far away from that town. LOL

The big problem with being presented with these lessons is that I am a control freak. I had a very unstable childhood and feel the ultimate need to control every bit of my environment now. I feel like if I relax and relinquish some of my control, the chaos ensues. My husband will be returning to work soon (I hope!!) and I will need to get things back in order. I just also need to remember that when my husband is around it’s okay to ask for his help. That’s a tough one when I want everything done my way. Now to just figure out how to do that and still maintain some control.


Comments

5 Comments so far

  1. Bev on March 20, 2006 8:00 am

    What a pretty layout!!

    I think when there’s 2 or more caregivers full time, a lot of the “details” of discipline kind of fall through the cracks, because you don’t necessarily notice every little thing that’s going on.

  2. mrs. diamond on March 20, 2006 9:55 am

    New layout! Pretty….

    I know what you mean. I discovered this weekend that my kids are NOT the lazy slobs I’ve thought they were. They do not piddle on toilet seats or floors, and clean it up if they do… and they do not smear their boogers on the walls or bedding. They pitch in unasked and take out garbage, wash floors… Ben this morning, even voluntarily cleaned up a mess that I made when I dropped some food on the floor accidentally! Having other children in my home (who were good kids, but just not trained to pick up after themselves) was a good thing.

    Sometimes space apart really does make us appreciate each other. And sometimes when I watch Dr. Phil and see other horrible husbands I realize I really really have a good husband. So I am glad that you see your hubby in a new light. :)

  3. Rachel Ann on March 20, 2006 12:55 pm

    I had one of those break down moments during an awful trial by air (plane) trips. I figured everyone was staring at me as the worst mom in the world. Then someone said the magic words: your a good mom.
    there are two kids of people in the world Those that expect children to be mini adults and those that realize childhood is a time of learning. Either the first group will learn by having their own children or they will forever deem themselves the best parent (who that could have been) in the world. The second group is just thinking “glad it isn’t my turn. Wow she is patient”

  4. Aimz on March 20, 2006 3:15 pm

    oh no, you poor thing, we’ve had moments like that before too. I can definitely empathise with you on this one.

  5. Andrea on March 20, 2006 5:48 pm

    Hey you! What a surprise to see Hubby in a new light, huh?

    The kids acting up in public would have embarrassed the heck outta me. *sigh* My boys usually behave pretty well, but they talk so loudly. I swear everyone in the restaurant must be able to hear them! Sometimes I just want to pull my hair out over the whole situation. LOL

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