Nov

15

Funk

November 15, 2006 |

I’m in a funk this afternoon.

  • The tooth fairy forgot to stop by my daughter’s pillow last night. Stupid, absentminded tooth fairy.
  • We’re broke and my husband has no desire to commit to any of my ideas for ways we can get out of our current destitute situation. And he has no ideas to offer of his own. Only criticism and finger pointing (right back at ya baby).
  • Thanksgiving is next week. Next week! And it’s like all of the stores have skipped it entirely because it’s not marketable enough.
  • Christmas is so close and I no longer love the holiday like I used to when I was a kid. The financial pressure of keeping up the stupid Santa Claus hoax sucks the joy right out of it. I can’t wait until December 26th.
  • My best friend is moving. Soon. To Tennessee. From Vermont. And I feel so incredibly happy for her that she’s pursuing her long time dream of moving closer to her family. But I feel so sad that I’m going to lose the proximity of the one friend I have.

My best friend and I had lunch today and she told me that as soon as they sell their house, and they’ve had people looking, she is quitting her job and moving. She is going to move ahead of her husband, stay with family and find a job and a place for them to live. When his son graduates from high school in the spring they will follow. And she will be gone. And she will forget about me. Really. Because I am a sucky friend.

I realized today that I felt like totally manipulated our conversation at lunch and its because I don’t make more of an effort to see her and do quality things with her. I take but I don’t give. The funny thing is that all I want to do is connect with people and I don’t do anything on my end to make it happen. Instead I do just the opposite. I do what I can to push them away or stay disconnected in some way.

Same way with this blog. I started it over 3 years ago to connect with people. And I write here a lot but I don’t put forth any effort at anyone else’s blog by commenting or answering any comments I receive. Nada. I suck.

I think I just need to go home and have a cocktail but I don’t have any money and the kids need milk so what change I do find will go to them, as it should. Bah! Will this week ever end?


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