I got the job! The lead attorney actually offered me the position right there on the spot. It was all I could do not to jump up and down shouting “Yes, I’ll take it. Can I start tomorrow?” LOL Instead I thanked him for the offer, told him I needed to take it home with me and discuss it with my family and that I would call him today. Jeff freaked out a little at first. All he could think of was how his responsibility was going to increase significantly. Even he laughed at himself

“Do you notice how every question I have about your new job is really about me?” lol

Yes I noticed. But I also noticed that in the face of this added pressure for him he still told me I HAD to take the job as it’s been my dream to work in a law office my entire adult life. He was really amazing. For all the trouble I’ve had with Jeff in our marriage over the years he was really thoroughly supportive. After he got done freaking out. But he told me he would never dream of standing in my way and he also told me how proud he was of me for going after what I wanted and getting it.

“First interview - you got a job. Bam, just like that. Damn. I’m so proud of you.”

His exact words. He can be a shit sometimes but man that meant a lot to me. The great thing about this job is that there will be a lot of room for growth and learning. I will be eventually acting as more than an assistant, doing a lot of paralegal work. Also when my work is slow, I’ve been told that I would be welcome to accompany one of the other attorney’s to court. I’m in freaking heaven!

We also had some great news with regards to child care for our 4. I was on the phone with my friend yesterday and told her my situation. She mentioned that she was looking to earn some extra money - she’s a SAHM with one little boy - and offered to come to my house every day and watch the kids. She’s a very close friend of the family, the kids love her and her son, and she’s totally mature and reliable. I feel super happy. My kids could stay home! And the money she’s asking for is SO reasonable. She’s also told me to offer to the daycare parents that she would watch their kids here as well if they wanted to continue to bring them. She has a lot of experience and has been my sub on many occasions. That makes giving notice a little easier.

I’m hoping that the daycare parents understand. I have been trying to get more kids in here for months. I’ve advertised, I’ve interviewed and the only ones I can get to enroll are 1 day here, 1 day there, nothing consistent. I have bills to pay and I’m not getting them paid this way. Right now this summer I have one boy that comes every day, 1 girl that comes 2-3 times a week and a girl and boy that come one day a week each. That’s barely $200 a week and because of their hours I’m working 60 hours. I’m making $3.33 an hour - total. I’m just tired of struggling. I’m tired of having to take money from the electric bill to buy the kids clothes. Not excessive amounts of clothes – just the basics. As it is I have to run a load of laundry every day so the kids have enough clothes to wear all week.

I’ve also been unhappy at home for a long time now. It’s been 6 years since I left the work force and my husband, my parents and my friends all agree it’s taken its toll. Daycare is so isolating because you usually have more kids than space in a vehicle so you’re trapped at home all day, every day. Jeff and a friend of mine both said how I would be happier and likely a better mother for it. I just hang out and barely do anything with the kids at all right now. I think I would appreciate them more and spend better quality time with them if I weren’t home all the time. I think if I’d always wanted to be a SAHM it would have been different. But I never did. I think being a SAHM is wonderful - if it’s what you want. But it’s just not me.

I started a daycare 6 years ago because the one my son and daughter were in was crappy and there wasn’t anyone else. I was miserable because they weren’t being cared for and it affected my work. I needed an income so it fit at the time. It was only supposed to be until they were in school anyway. I didn’t count on having 2 more. I love them for the blessings they are but as we always joke in the family they were planned by God but not by us. lol I don’t think I could take another 2 years and preserve my sanity or theirs either. I will miss them terribly - I know I will. I’ll feel immensely guilty when they melt down and tell me how much they hate my job. And I know they will. But happy mommy = happy family.

So today I have to:

• Call and accept the job (!)
• Write up and give notice to all daycare families - with the option of keeping the kids here with my friend
• Make a plan of attack for getting the house in a good organized fashion so that it runs smooth for everyone - including me
• Sing, shout, do a little dance

Thanks guys for all the good wishes yesterday. Your support was amazing! It was just what I needed, obviously. Like I told my husband I’ve never felt so calm and confident going into an interview before. It was magic. I turned off all that negative self-talk that’s been haunting me for years and it worked. Woohoo!!