Aug

29

Our Anniversary

August 29, 2006 |

Yesterday was Jeff’s and my 13th wedding anniversary. 13 years! Unbelievable. That I actually stuck with someone that long. Commitment was never my strong suit when I was young. I still have trouble. But I have stayed true to my husband for these very long years.

On the drive home last night I was filled with doubt about us. Lately it seems like nothing either one of us does is right by the others standards. Like we don’t measure up to the other anymore. We went out to the movies and dinner Saturday night and we barely talked. And when I mentioned it on the car ride home Jeff indicated that it seemed like one of us was always in trouble with the other so why risk it?

I hope it’s just that we’re in a downward slump. God knows in 13 years we’ve hit a bunch of those. We just seem to be drifting apart and the things that are important to me aren’t what’s important to Jeff. Our values and goals seem to be drifting. How do you stay connected with someone whose moral code is so different from yours?

I’m dead set against divorce for me. I absolutely do not want to do that to my kids. But how do I live with someone that makes me feel on edge all the time? Talk about it? I wish we could, but it always ends in a finger-pointing argument. *sigh* This too shall pass, right?

Share this post: Share this post with the world.
  • Facebook
  • del.icio.us
  • Digg
  • Google
  • StumbleUpon
  • Technorati

Comments

9 Comments so far

  1. cassie-b on August 29, 2006 6:39 am

    I hope you can work this out, and be happy.

    Yours is a hard post to comment on. I’ve been divorced, which is something I don’t believe in. but you aren’t always the one in charge. Then I met Don after being on my own for 4 years. We married 2 years later, and it has been very good.

    Cas
    I just wish I had the magic answer for you.

  2. mrs. diamond on August 29, 2006 9:22 am

    I would make a list of all his positive traits and focus more on those than his negative. Complement him for something every single day, more than once if possible. If they can never do anything right eventually they just quit trying.

    I know, as women, we want THEM to initiate the change in our relationship. But the truth is, you can’t make them change. You can only change you.

    My husband can be so stubborn and defensive I want to choke him sometimes. But when I begin to respond appropriately, it’s not long before I see a change in him too.

    I have lots I could say on this, having been through many marriage slumps myself…..The bottom line is, men NEED respect, in the same way women need loving. And the thing is, we don’t always feel butterflies in our stomach. Somedays we genuinely don’t even like them that much. LOL. But if you hang in there, and just keep LOVING (verb, action not a feeling) sooner or later the feelings come around again.

    I’m proud of you for staying committed. Happy Anniversary! And I pray you guys have many more happy years together yet!

  3. Amy on August 29, 2006 5:55 pm

    Oh man I’ve so been there Jules, know exactly what you mean, I have to 2nd Mrs Diamond though on this one, men don’t change unless they first see the changes in us, it’s a cliche but it worked for me. I was so busy pointing the finger at my dh that I thought I was without fault. Happy Anniversary btw!

  4. Stacie on August 29, 2006 7:22 pm

    Oh Jules, I’m so sorry. I’ve been where you’re at and its not a fun place to be. Sometimes it just seems like it would be easier to walk away then figure out how to go about fixing something that your not even sure where its broke. Buts its worth it, hang in there and weather the storm. Try to find some common ground again, and nurture it, even if its the smallest common ground, its a starting point.

    Hugs,
    Stacie

  5. Philip on August 29, 2006 9:18 pm

    Talk. Structured talk if regular old coffee table talk fails. Like you said, you want this for more than just you. So if your car’s broke, do you fix it yourself, or take it to a mechanic. Perhaps you two could learn to talk again, with the right stuff cleared out of the way. Oil change, Lube. New plugs. Tires maybe?

  6. juliana on August 29, 2006 9:53 pm

    New to your blog - came across it via one of the other blogs I regularly read - anyways i have not been married half as long as you have but I can say that we have been there too. The best advice i have ever received when I was feeling the way you are - was to think back to why you fell in love with you hubby in the first place. As stacie said try and find some common ground and nurture it to the fullest. Hang in there and talk to your hubby about how you feel - writing it out first can help.
    I hope things work out:)
    Sending lots of hugs your way:)

  7. Mary on August 30, 2006 2:07 am

    when you find out, email me.

  8. Becky on September 4, 2006 10:33 pm

    Happy 13th anniversary! I’m happy for you two. Our 11th is coming up in December and I never thought we’d make it this far…no one did, to be honest! LOL Anyway. Here’s to many more! :)

  9. TC on September 5, 2006 6:58 am

    ((Hugs)) Happy Anniversary. I have no grand words of wisdom, but a listening ear and a sympathetic mind.

Name (required)

Email (required)

Website

Speak your mind

← Where to Start Scared →