Thank you all for your kind words and sympathy. It’s always nice to know someone cares when you feel like you’re suffering. I was very tired the other night and like Michele said I’m just trying to adjust to all of the changes in my life right now. Change is always tough until you get a new routine going.

I also know that I am guilty of pushing myself too hard. I am a perfectionist and feel like all things should be done perfectly or why do them at all. The amount of pressure this puts on me, by me, is unreal at times. I have a huge workload right now that I agreed to on my own. No one forced me and the people I work for have made it very clear that they don’t want anyone to take on too much work. They realize that work product will suffer and that deadlines won’t be met.

So I’m picking away at all of my projects piece by piece today and taking breaks and trying hard to figure out how to balance everything so nothing gets missed and no one feels neglected, including me. I always put myself last and I know that’s one of the chief reasons I get to feeling like I did the other night. I used to work out every day but decided I was too busy for that hour every morning so I stopped. Hell, half the time I don’t even shower until right before Hubs is due home because I feel like I have too much work to lose the time.

But when I work out and shower first thing in the morning and treat myself as though I am heading out to a job like anyone else, I feel better. I feel less distracted, more confident, more content. I know a lot of what I deal with is depression related to isolation and loneliness, but without health insurance there are no drugs or therapists in my near future. I’m pretty good at sucking it up, dusting myself off and forging ahead though and that’s what I continue to do.

So I worked a little this morning and then the Hubs and I cleaned off our deck while the kids played outside. My patio table and chairs are out so I can sit on my deck while my children play outside and enjoy the fresh air away from the damage of TV and video games. The sun and warmth makes me feel SO much better.

We babysat my grandson last night and what a sweetheart that baby is. He laughs and smiles and plays with whatever he can get his hands on. I can’t believe it’s been 6 months since he was born. I don’t get to see him very often so I babysit whenever I can so I can spend some time with him. I want him to know me too And his Aunties and Uncle love him to pieces. It’s so cute to watch. Olivia was entertaining him this morning and he was laughing this big belly laugh that made everyone in the house smile. I have to admit though, I’m glad my youngest is 2. I didn’t realize the amount of freedom I’ve gained until he spent the night.

Jeff and Nick are gone to camp for the weekend. My Dad built a log cabin back in the 60’s using a horse to drag the logs and pieced every bit of it together himself. It has been on his property for the last 50 years now and Jeff has lovingly taken it over as his hunting camp. It’s just one room, with bunk beds and a cot, a gas stove and sink and a good sized porch on the front.

Click to embiggen

This picture is from 2 weeks ago when the guys went up and spent the night so they could gather sap for my father while he was out of town. They collected enough sap in those 2 days from just a few trees for my Dad to make 5 gallons of syrup. Pretty impressive guys!!

So it’s just the girls and I tonight. We’ll go to the store in a little while and buy some bacon and eggs for a big breakfast tomorrow. We’ll grab something for supper and we’ll come home and relax. I have a chick flick to watch and I’ll do that tonight after the girls have gone to bed while I blog hop, all in the comfort of my own room.

Tomorrow my best friend is coming out to the house and we are taking the girls shopping. I always enjoy time spent with Gina and am so glad I figured out in time that I needed to make more effort to make her a priority in my life. I love her to death, like a sister, and can’t imagine not knowing her. She has always been there for me no matter how neglectful of her I’ve been. Spending the afternoon with her tomorrow will be the perfect end to a pretty good weekend.