Right now I’m trying to juggle 2 jobs since the hubs has left his. Yes he is getting benefits while he is unemployed due to the medical reasons behind leaving. I’m afraid though to let any income go for fear of putting us in an unrecoverable position financially. My oldest child has expressed fear that we are going to lose our house and have to move. While I do not believe that will happen - I know my husband will do what he can to help even though he is currently physically limited - I can’t stop any income or it’s possibility no matter how minute.

I posted earlier about the sucky nature of the scheduling job and today reminded me of the sucky nature of the daycare side too. I have 2 children here in addition to my 2 youngest. The 2 little girls here today come from families where the parents are loathe to say no and if they do dare to cross their child, they cave pretty quickly. 1 of them came in this morning with toys from home (not allowed per my handbook) as well as in her pajamas and last nights diaper *sigh*. I said we would try the toys out but that she must share or they will be put away until she goes home. “Good Luck” and a chuckle was the response I received from her mother.

We had the item out, another child tried to take a turn with it but the little girl was violently opposed to sharing her toy. Her wrath was first turned against the other child as she forcefully shoved them to the ground all the while shrieking “NO!!”. Then the violence was turned my way when I dared follow through and took the toy and put it up where it remained until she went home. She shrieked and carried on and charged at me time and time again. No wonder the parents decided it was easier to give in. I put her on the couch and told her she was to stay there until she calmed down but also advised her that no matter what she did the toy was not coming back out.

She was there for a full 20 minutes of shrieking and crying and that hiccuping children do when they are crying so hard they can hardly breathe. You know the one. The rest of us continued on about our morning events, playing with toys and eventually picking up so we could move on to another activity. She came with us to our next stop and joined in with us after a bit.

The part I wish that parents could see is the part after the temper tantrum. This is the point where the children finally give up because they realize it really isn’t going to get the desired result. I wish the parents could see that the child is fine, happy and playing and, most importantly, that they have forgotten about whatever it is that they have thrown a fit over. Maybe this would help more parents stand their ground, dig in, hold on and actually win the battle of the wills.

Children do these types of things over and over because they know it will work. If you show them it won’t then they will eventually stop. The method I use is to tell them that they can cry as long as they’d like but the answer is still no and I stick to it. I wish I could make the parents believe that:

- the tantrums will not go on forever

- the child will not be scarred from not getting their way

- what they will get in the end is a better behaved, much more well adjusted child

I don’t think a lot of parents understand the long term effects of what they are creating by constantly indulging their children. One of my daycare parents got a strong taste of it the other night at the schools Open House. Her 2 year old daughter - a nightmare of constant screaming and temper tantrums here - was a complete screeching monster at the potluck supper and during the children’s presentation afterwords. It was to the point that her mother was in tears over her daughters behavior. She told me that she knew she had to do something as she couldn’t take it anymore.

These children that have no limits have a much tougher time in everything they do. They are constantly frustrated and unhappy because they expect that everything should go their way and they freak out when it doesn’t. They will have this experience their ENTIRE lives. I don’t understand why parents fail to see the struggle they are setting their children up for at every turn. Without limits these children become the ones in your children’s classroom that are constantly disruptive and aggressive. They detract from the education of all of the children in the class. What do they think they are doing unleashing a child like that on a teacher? Are they just relieved to have a break 8 hours a day? I bet they are.

Please understand too that I am not referring to the children that have serious challenges and need additional assistance in the classroom in order to effectively integrate. The ones I mean are the children that are out of control because they have not had limits set for them consistently and therefore have a REALLY hard time in a structured classroom setting. And maybe that’s the piece that bothers me the most. Do the parents realize what a tough time their children are having and how unhappy they seem so much of the time? Why would they want them to feel that way?

I cannot tell you how many times I have seen it in my daycare over and over again. The most overindulged children are also the most unhappy and difficult to deal with. They hardly every smile, laugh or have fun unless they are engaged in some battle of wills that they feel they are winning. It’s sad. They seem to find very little pure joy in their little lives.

My children are by no means perfect and I am not a perfect mother. I have many shortcomings in that department to be sure. But my children know the meaning of the word “No”. They don’t like it one bit - they want their way just like anyone else but with follow through they understand that no means no. They still ask and push but they are not wild and out of control. I can take all 4 to the grocery store with me for full on shopping for a weeks worth of food with very little incident. They do not race around the store, screaming and hollering and disturbing everyone around them. They help me out and we generally have a good time.

So the bottom line is that all children show their defiance, it’s their nature. I just wish their parents would please stand firm, be consistent and ride out the behavioral storms. I PROMISE them that those storms will get fewer and farther between. Then they will actually enjoy their child much more. So how do I spread the word? :)