Worries
Yesterday I took my two youngest girls, E and L, in for preschool screening. Every spring EEE comes to our local school and runs the eligible 3 and 4 year olds through a series of tests to gauge if they are within normal limits for learning at their given ages. They also check to see if there are any issues that need to be addressed such as speech problems, cognitive issues, etc. Last year I took E in when she was 3 and she refused to speak so they couldn’t evaluate her but asked me to bring her back this year for re-screening.
So I was also able to bring L as she will be 3 on Thursday and meets the age requirement. L had very little trouble. With a little coaxing she would go with each of the evaluators and do the things they asked such as stacking blocks, or identify things on flash cards etc. She had some focus issues but nothing out of the ordinary for a 3 year old. She went through the hearing and eye tests with little difficulty until her stubborn 3 year old streak set in but if you see yesterdays post you’ll see that’s nothing new for us.
Then it came to be E’s turn. She went to each of the evaluation areas as long as I held her hand and led her over there. I would turn and quietly leave each time and when I would look over, her head was down and she wasn’t responding to any of the preschool teachers. After 2 areas I was called aside by the director of the Preschool program. She told me that she was concerned about E and her lack of progress since last year. She felt that E was very bright, that there was “a lot in there” but that selective mutism was holding her back. She wanted to reserve one of the spots in their program for E right then and there and asked me to commit to bringing her 3 times a week starting in the fall. I agreed.
The EEE program is a public entity and as such the spaces in the program are first for children with any identified need that they need to enter in “the system” for, the ones that need to be on an IEP (Individualized Educational Program). E has been identified as one of those children because it is believed that she suffers from selective mutism which is a childhood form of social anxiety disorder. The funny thing is my father had sent me down a copy of an article out of Time magazine on that very condition a few months back and I suspected then that E suffered from it. Children with selective mutism do not speak to people outside of their immediate family or people that they feel extremely conformable with, they become “mute” when they are in unfamiliar social settings. It is beyond shyness. All of my children can be described as shy - but E is different. She won’t even talk to my parents or my stepdaughter until she has been around them for hours and then it’s only a mumble.
So I have also been encouraged to take her to a child psychologist for testing and confirmation of the diagnosis. I feel so bad for her. I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be that uncomfortable all of the time. I have a hard time understanding how it developed in her as I have had the daycare here in our house for most of her life. It’s not like she isn’t socialized with other children and adults. True she never speaks to the parents only the children but I didn’t realize it was quite so serious until recently. I feel guilty, like I should have gotten her out more in outside settings to increase her comfort level. Did I cause this by rarely leaving her with a babysitter? By being stuck in our home or yard because of daycare every day of the week? I don’t know but I hope we can figure out how to help her. I don’t want her to go through this for the rest of her life.
American Speech-Language-Hearing Association
By
cassie-b, March 21, 2006 @ 7:00 am
A little 4-year old girl, (middle child, children ages 6,4,2) who is the daughter of friends of ours has what seems to be the same situation. I never heard the name of the problem, but you have described her perfectly. She started with counseling about 6 months ago, and is doing absolutely great.
It’s wonderful to see her being more outgoing, and the change is still happening.
Best of luck,
Carol
By
Danielle, March 21, 2006 @ 8:55 am
Do not take ownership of this. God has a purpose and a plan for your daughter - and this “bump in the road” is part of it. Perhaps it is a way to touch the lives of many parents that are dealing with the same diagnosis.
By
Bev, March 21, 2006 @ 9:15 am
We have a little boy in grade 1 with this situation. BUT for him, it’s not a “shy” issue, it’s a “control” issue. He laughs and runs and jabbers and plays in the playground, but the minute an adult asks him anything, he will NOT open his mouth. He just stares you in the eye.
By
Theresa, March 21, 2006 @ 9:16 am
No, no, no…not your fault at all! She is the way she is, period. A little help, a little time…She’ll be fine.
By
mrs. diamond, March 21, 2006 @ 3:07 pm
I don’t know anything about this disorder, but I am very confidant that it is not your fault. After all you other children don’t have it and she is being raised in the same house, same parents, same life situations as they. It’s going to be alright.
(hug)
By
Andrea, March 28, 2006 @ 10:29 am
It’s not you fault at all - some kids just turn out this way, but I believe they eventually grow out of it.
Though not diagnosed, I believe this is what my nephew has. I started babysitting with him when he was 3 years old. He would not speak to me at all - the entire day. Not to tell me he was hungry, not to tell me he needed to go potty, etc. He was still in diapers, even, because he wouldn’t talk. I could observe him talking and playing with other kids, but as soon as he saw me… silence. If I visited his house, he would run to his room and hide, yet his parents swore up and down that he talked all the time to them.
He’s now in first grade and is “coming out of his shell”. He will talk to my husband, me, and other adults and seems to be over the “mute” stage.
I hope that happens for E soon!